Today’s thoughts are bittersweet. I am sitting, rocking on my porch swing while listening to the fountain on the pond across the street. It’s lovely❤️. Growing up, I had a pond in my front yard that I could hear from my bedroom window at the front of the house. So sitting here is nostalgic, relaxing and peaceful. But here comes the bitterness, we are moving. We don’t know what house we will move in to, but we have to be out of this house in 18 days. I will miss it. I will miss the privacy and the solitude. I will miss the beauty that surrounds us and this side of nature walking through our yard. I will miss my first home with my husband and the home we became a family in. I will miss seeing the work we did on this home to transform it and make it what we wanted. I will miss this!
We are moving to a rental house… in a neighborhood… where I can see many neighbors from anywhere in the house. But it is temporary. We will eventually be moving to a lake community. A place where we will have 4 lakes, beaches, a pool, golf course and country club complete with restaurants and bars. It has a small library and fitness center. It is so much more of what we want for our family so it is exciting! It will be wonderful… when we get there.
As we grow in life, times change, they always will. We don’t want to try and keep them the same because they then we don’t grow. We won’t have the opportunity to have new adventures and teach our children who and what we are. Change is beautiful. Have you ever watched the seasons? When one comes to an end at the first sign of the next people get excited. So why not view life’s changes with the same enthusiasm? A time to cleanse and start over. To move into a new place brings challenges, especially with three young kids, but imagine what it is through their eyes. If we make it a struggle, they will see and experience the struggle. But if we make it exciting and a new journey, then try to look through their eyes and imagine the journey. Imagine the excitement and enjoy it. Imagine the new hiding places for hide and seek. Imagine the new animals, bugs and memories that will be made. So whatever this next season brings in your life, embrace and enjoy this wonderful and blessed life we have been given. And give it a go imagining it through your childs eyes. ❤️
It’s quiet! Like actually quiet right now! I am at my kitchen table and the boys are sleeping and Harper is out with Daddy! It is quiet! Now generally with kids we all know quiet means trouble. But not this quiet! Oh no, this one is the legit place to breathe. And right now I need this time to breathe. We are in the middle of moving with 3 small children into a rental house for a short time while we look for our next home. So that will be 2 moves in a short time and we don’t know exactly where the final move will be. Ahhhh! I am a planner. I like to know what is happening and I like control. HAHA! (that right there is probably what God is thinking) Because am I really in control? Heck NO! I might think I am at times and feel like it maybe. But ultimately, I am not in control. So maybe this is God’s way of telling me to let go of that control that causes SO much anxiety and just go with it.
“ The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9 (ESV)
Maybe its time for me to be in the moment more instead of planning the next one. Do I believe that God is in control and He will provide? Yup! I sure do. Do I completely trust in him to stop stressing out and overthinking about all the things that need to or that I want to happen? I’m sure trying, but everyday I know that I fail. So right now! I stopped what I was doing to sit and listen to nothing but the taping of my fingers on my keyboard and enjoy the fact that I have had one moment to write down my thoughts without a person or idea creeping in. I need these moments to breathe…
Today is the third straight day that it has rained. Not just rained but poured. AND don’t forget, we are in the middle of this pandemic, so…ahhhh! This house and these kids are crazy! Have we watched too much TV? Yup! Have we eaten too many snacks? Yup! Have I gone to the bathroom and stayed in there way longer than I needed to? You betcha! Being stuck inside is tough, as we all know. But then adding a dreary day onto it, 3 days in a row can really break us down. So while going crazy and trying to figure out something else for the kids to do that might interest them for longer than 5 minutes, I turned off the TV and music and I let the kids figure it out on their own. They didn’t want to go to the playroom, they wanted to stay upstairs. So, as I ignored the cries that I was a terrible mom because I turned off the TV, found an article and began reading. My kids finally figured out I wasn’t going to cave and that they had to figure something out. Well, my daughter went into her room and my twin boys, who have now figured out how to open her door, joined her. I heard the door open and didn’t do anything. But then I didn’t hear anything either. No screaming, playing, kids falling off beds, nothing. So of course I knew as any mom does, they must be doing something wrong. But when I got to the room, there they were, all doing their own thing in my daughters room. Playing together, yet separate. Being good. Reading, playing with dolls and my crazy one just excited that his sister let him up on the bed, was running back and forth giggling like crazy. I just watched. I was overwhelmed by the grace my daughter was giving her brothers in letting them play with her toys and books. I was shocked and proud of her brothers for not destroying her room and toys. Then, they all sat on the bed together and played. They did this for 45 minutes. Then my daughter got mad and pushed her brother off the bed, but that’s for another day.
Times right now are crazy. It’s hard. We struggle. We have no idea what life will be like when this is over. But for today. In the midst of a rainy week, I saw the sunshine in my kids. I saw that although they fight a lot and days are long. They are amazing and together we will get through this. I mean, I guess we really don’t have any other choice. But, what we do have is the choice as to how we will get through it. Will we bury our heads, let the kids go wild, just hoping and praying this will “end” soon, and try to mend it after. Or can we take this time to thrive and grow as a family and learn to love our time together, while also praying it will end. As for me, I am going to try my best to do the latter. To wake up every morning and strive to be better than I was the day before. To try and teach my kids and have fun with them. To remember that not only are they learning big emotions in their life, but that they are trying to cope with them during a global pandemic and shut down. That they don’t have their friends, sports and other outlets to distract them either. I am giving grace while also being firm. So as the rain steadily beats on the window, I am thankful I don’t have to water the garden or leave the house in this crummy weather. I am thankful, that just like the rain is replenishing the earth, I am allowing myself to be replenished. I am drinking my water, getting in my workout, writing new goals and moving forward. Each day will pass in the same amount of time, but its how we spend that time that can be to our detriment or benefit. So if it benefits you to have a day of lounging watching Netflix, well then grab the snacks and enjoy it without feeling guilty. We all need those days. But everyday isn’t a lounging day. So wake up and get moving, be it physically, mentally or in your work. Get up and make today count. As we all know some things look great on paper but don’t happen as planned, so if that happens to be today, keep your eyes open because amongst the chaos you will find the blessings. The rainbow following the rain, the hug following the fight. The confession from your child even though they know they will get in trouble. The blessings in mess. This week, I am thankful for the rain because before this week my daughter would NEVER let her brothers in her room. Without the rain we wouldn’t have gotten this time to replenish and reset. I pray that you too can find time and energy to replenish as well.
A new year! A new decade! A new day! Every day we have the opportunity to get out of bed and make it the best day we can! Sometimes, it is the best day. Others, its the best it can be. Some days we’re sick of our current situation, some days we hurt, some days we are just not feeling “good” and some days are truly the best days of our lives. But every day God has given us to do the best we can. And if today that is making it through and feeding yourself and your family and keeping them alive, well then bravo! If it means doing HEAPS of laundry or a bunch of catching up with work, great job! If it means stopping everything and enjoying what God has given you and taking in the beauty of this life and world we have surrounding us, then enjoy! But whatever today is, or this year, or this decade, make it yours. Don’t try to be like Susie homemaker down the street, or that person who runs 5 miles before the sun rises, if that’s not who you are. Find out who you are, what makes you happy, what makes your heart flutter and how you can better do what God has created you for and do it! Run with it! But if today isn’t the day to get crazy and do it ALL, then just remember to keep pushing forward and keep working at it. But keep yourself, your family and loved ones in mind. Always remember to live each day and moment for what it is. I am sure you have heard that no one looks back on life saying “I wish I spent more time working”, but many look back wishing they could get precious moments with loved ones back. So work when you have to and remember to enjoy the rest of the time. Cause what is the point of working so hard, if you don’t get to enjoy the fruits of your labor. So who are you? What do you love? What is an area in your life that you want to grow? How can you make your life better? Now, do it! Live it and love it! God has blessed you with today, don’t let it slip away!
Today I want to say, I am impressed. This is a tough time. A time in which no one knows what will happen. We can speculate and compare to similar circumstances, but ultimately we don’t know. The number of small businesses who are stepping up to give away free food to those in need, during a time when they don’t know their own fate. The dedication and perseverance of those working to guide our country during this time and make difficult decisions to protect our fellow Americans, even when some might say they are overreacting. The healthcare workers who will continue to put others first and care for those sick and in need to help our country recover. To the schools and individual teachers who are reaching out to help continue to teach children while away from school, whether it’s for their own students or someone else’s. To the fitness enthusiasts who are sharing exercises to help those who are unable to make it to the gym. To the companies giving access to different learning and entertainment for free to assist in the continued learning and help with keeping the kids occupied. To those working in the trades keeping our electric on, our internet working and our toilets flushing. To every person out there making sacrifices in the ways that you are able. Thank you to everyone doing their part to save us as a whole. I hope you can all take a moment to enjoy the blessings you have individually, as a family, neighborhood and country. I am proud of our country and the unity I am witnessing. I pray that with everyone doing their part this will be but a short lived virus epidemic and our country can heal quickly and become stronger than before. I pray for those who can’t stay home or have to stay home yet don’t know how you are going to pay your bills. I hope we can find strength and peace in knowing that we have a creator who is so much bigger than this one virus. I pray for businesses and people to exhibit grace. People may not be able to pay all their bills or meet deadlines. People are stressed. Now imagine if you already have anxiety, right now it’s going through the roof. Have grace and patience because we don’t know the struggle people are experiencing. We don’t know if their loved one is sick or at risk. We don’t know if they are on the front lines battling this disease every day while we sit home. We don’t know what others are experiencing. We all have our own struggles, including the men and women serving our every need. Our government and military who are working around the clock as well as private corporations to give us what we need. When you go to sleep tonight, remember someone else is working to save you and your loved ones. So for today, tomorrow, two weeks or months let’s not get greedy or judgmental. Lets not buy more than we need. Let’s not buy things we wouldn’t normally. Let’s give, let’s be responsible, let’s care about others and their lives and families. You might not agree with the democrat or republican next door, or the atheist across the hall. But that doesn’t mean we can’t respect and love them. We all have families and loved ones. Let’s make sure they all come home safe and healthy. Let’s support each other and the sacrifices that are being made. People are doing things in a way they have never done before and therefore have nothing to go off of. Let’s give them the space to learn and grow. This will be a time of learning for everyone. Not just the people at the helm of this outbreak, but the mother who doesn’t get to be home with her children and watch them grow and learn, for the children who aren’t normally home without the ability to leave, for the people who have to make sacrifices they never thought imaginable. Most of all have grace and patience with those in your family. Your kids who might not fully understand this and might have too much energy and emotions for the house. Your spouse, because you are about to spend more time together than you have in a long time and you both will irritate each other. And especially for yourself, some rules or lifestyles will be challenged and need to be modified. Kids might watch more tv than you normally allow, extra cookies may be baked and routines messed up. Don’t stress yourself out to keep your kids routine when yours is turned upside down. Love on those you are able and pray for our country. No matter what you think about this current situation or those around you, let’s all step up, learn a little about yourself and others and do your part. God bless this wonderful country we live in and may we beat this pandemic with few lives lost and strength gained. Have fun and enjoy today with what you are blessed!
My First Beautiful Miracle. Thanks to God and a bit of science and medicine.
It seems so long ago I was sitting in this very rocking chair on the front porch in an entirely different season of life. In reality however, the time has only been a few short years. I sit here today and enjoy the birds chirping, the wind blowing and the beautiful hymns playing through the baby monitor as my precious daughter naps. But, I think back a few years and remember the feelings of fear, frustration and the unknown. Although I was able to enjoy the birds chirping and the wind blowing, there were no soft hymns playing through the baby monitor. There was no baby monitor. There was no baby. Would there ever be? I didn’t know. I didn’t know what my future would hold and was fearful of what it might not.
Dear Infertile Me,
Ever since you were young, you knew you wanted to be a mom. But the time came for you to have kids and your attempts were futile. Everything was supposed to work out; job, husband and then family. But it didn’t. So here you are praying, hoping, reading, experimenting and having sex like it’s a job rather than a joy. You know exactly when you ovulate and how long your husband should build up his sperm for the best result at that opportune time. That time comes and you do your “job.” Then a few short weeks later, mother nature rears her ugly head and your wonderful monthly cycle begins without any hesitation. It. is. heart-breaking. You would think it would get easier after dealing with it for years, but it doesn’t. It gets harder and harder. You think more about the fear that maybe you will never have kids and that co-worker’s comment of “if it’s meant to be, it will be.” Well, what if it’s not? You thought for sure this month was going to be it, because you had intercourse at the right time and then put your hips on pillows, and drank enough water, exercised, and did all those other crazy things that people advised you to do. But yet – nothing. Your friend gets pregnant, and then another friend and another. Everyone is pregnant! You want to curl up into a ball and just cry. Sometimes you do and for a brief moment that’s okay. It’s okay to cry and let out your frustrations and pain. It is okay to be sad. However, let me warn you, don’t let it consume you. Don’t let your loneliness, sadness, frustration, anger or contempt cause you to hurt yourself or others. God is always with you and has made a path for you and when the time is right, that baby you are praying for will be here. I know that is a hard pill to swallow because you want a baby NOW. But maybe now isn’t the right time for you. Why? Who knows! Maybe you’ll realize later exactly why God chose the timing he did. For right now, what you can do is put your ducks in a row. If you have ducks, and if you don’t just get yourself healthy and happy in the season of life you are living. Eat right. Exercise. Pray. Write. Figure out ways to de-stress your life. Simple right? Reach deep down within your heart and find the happiness for your friend who found out she is pregnant. It’s your greatest desire, maybe it’s hers too!
People in the world are hurtful, some to your face and
others in the public eye. People say the wrong things because they usually don’t
know what to say. Others beliefs will effect you; hearing someone speak about
abortion, or the fact that they wish they never had a child, or it was a
mistake. These words are heart wrenching because you would give anything and everything
to be a mom. What you wouldn’t give to feel a kick to the bladder and pee a
little every time you stood up. Well, when the day comes and you get those wonderful
experiences, you will smile and know that you are blessed because God has
chosen you at this particular time to carry your child. And then go change your
underwear. You will welcome the heartburn, back pain, hunger pangs, excessive
thirst, constipation and all the other beautiful things that happen while making
a human. You will LOVE your belly and maternity clothes, because lets be honest
women’s clothing is not always so comfortable. But pregnant! You can look cute
and be comfortable! Its amazing!
I encourage you to live in the right now! That doesn’t mean not to dream and pray and envision holding your little baby girl in your arms, because I encourage that too. I am advising you to enjoy the journey. Enjoy the moments home with just your husband, stay up too late and sleep in on a Saturday. Stay out all day without worrying about a nap schedule. Enjoy imagining how much life will change that day your baby girl comes into the world and then watch a movie that is way to loud for little baby ears. I want you to enjoy where you are in your life currently. Worrying and stressing about the future won’t help make your dreams come true and when you look back, I don’t want you to feel regret about anything you didn’t do. When your baby comes, your life is different. You will have different worries and concerns and very different outings. Things will be different. You will forever be different. You will forever be Mom. It will be amazing.
There are so many challenges, let downs, hopes and financial
obstacles. There are so many reasons to be down on yourself and your situation.
You are not in this alone, so make sure you’re not. God is always with you as
well as so many other soon-to-be-mothers out there struggling just like you. When
you have that beautiful little girl, your heart will grow exponentially. Your
baby was not a mistake. Your baby was prayed for and loved for years before
ever being created. The crying is tolerable and the lack of sleep is welcomed. What
greater reason is there to be tired with a headache than your beautiful child
asleep in your arms.
Of course there are logistics of the procedures; but, the shots, tests and medication are only a part of the journey. With every prick and every pill just envision your why. Envision holding your baby girl for the first time in her cute hat at the hospital. Envision your husband leaning over her crib to stare at his beautiful daughter. So yes, the medicine stinks and the crazy hormonal woman that results from the medication and pregnancy is a roller coaster all in itself. But really, who cares? If it means at the end of this ride you will be holding your baby girl, then hold on and enjoy where it takes you. Feel the wind on your face and the love in your heart and before you know it, you are Mom. You will look back on this amazing journey and tolerate the sleepless nights and stinky diapers. And you too will sit down in this same spot in a very different season of life and cherish the soft hymns from your baby monitor. Enjoy the journey, as difficult as it is, because it is the most important journey to the most amazing destination in the world…motherhood.
Faith, Hope and Love Always,
Courtney
This was a letter written for a “competition” for my infertility clinic. The challenge was to write a letter to yourself as you were going through the infertility process. If you are struggling with infertility, just remember you are not alone. There are many others out there going through something just like you or someone you may know who has walked that path already. Most importantly God is with you. When I was struggling and my strength was failing, God was there. When I felt alone in the struggle…God was there. When EVERYONE was getting pregnant and I needed support God was there. If you know someone going through infertility, this can help give perspective on what they might be experiencing as well. Today they just might need a hug.
This last week has been spent with sick kids(and mom) including a wonderful middle of the night wardrobe change last night due to my daughter getting sick down my back. But today, we have a beautiful day. Blue sky, a few white, fluffy clouds, a gentle breeze and fresh air to breathe. We may still all be struggling with a cough and eating chicken noodle soup a few times today, but how can we look past this beauty that God has given us. I think of all the “things” I need to do and God just kind of said nope! Enjoy the day! Enjoy the moment!
When kids are sick its hard. When mommy is sick while kids are sick it’s even harder. Then send Daddy out of town for a few days and you have a lot of television watching, quick not-so-healthy meals and a very on edge Mommy. So today, I have to do “stuff”. But included on that list is some much needed vitamin D, fresh air and time to look around at this wonderful life I have been blessed to live. A moment to cherish my kids and husband and give my dog a little more love than he usually gets(sorry Porter). So for today I’m enjoying my journey and all that are in it with me. From the soiled clothes and snot sucking to the gorgeous weather and love of my family. So today I say thank you Lord for all you have given me.
Sometimes we look around us and all we see is the hustle and bustle of everyday life. We see the struggle of loved ones or ourselves. We get wrapped up in the negativity on the news or social media. The constant whining and we can’t help but chime in. But today, instead, I encourage you to seek the positive. Seek the warm sun rays as they kiss your cheeks. The tender-loving heart of your child as they grab your hand to show you their world. The amazing taste of your coffee or refreshment of your tall glass of water. The ability to read; to have shelter; to have work. I encourage you to see the beauty in the wind whipping through the trees or making waves on the water. Finding joy in the everyday. Joy in the things we are usually too busy to see or too quick to judge. Joy in the differences in all other people, who are ALL made in Gods image. The things you enjoy are not the same as another – how great is that? So much diversity to be thankful for. So many people to learn from. Be thankful for the many different ways to live your life and the many influences you can choose how to use. So today, give your kids, your husband, your friends, pets, family and neighbors a little extra love and maybe a little extra grace, and be thankful for all that you are blessed to be given. And remember to find your joy in the journey.
Mud Puddles 